Gliding Serpent's World Class (TM)... and one-sidedly positive view of all things ALMS

18. Leave me be for damn sake!

2010-01-11T04:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, you heard the Serpent. Now bugger off and leave him alone. Why has the blog of eternal wisdom been all but silent? A few reasons really:

1. In these harsh economical times the Serpent has been forced to actually work for a living. The horror. No more handouts from rich daddy. He will be back next year in full annoyance however, when every little idiot brat is again able to make money hand over fist flipping houses.

2. Program cutbacks. The Serpent will be running a limited blog coverage of the ALMS this season. He will cover Sebring if his coverage does not get blocked by the almsforum.com mafia (who will likely in turn fail to show themselves... wait a minute...). In the interm... the Serpent will prepare to write articles for the major races this season such as Le Mans, and possibly Petit. Of note, the Serpent will be ill informed and under performing despite his previous glory... but the blame will go on the French for screwing him. The Serpent expects a full season of writing next season barring economical disaster, failure of the series, and assuming he gets the funding to allow him to quit his day job. Just don't expect him to cross the border to Mosport or attend a race that is not Sebring, Petit, or Le Mans.

3. The Serpent is so damn important and has so many insider racing contacts that if he so chose to share a fraction of what he knew with the common race fan, even the common race fan that thinks he is above the others, their face would melt. If you only Knew what I knew.

For taste: Expect an Audi to cameo in the challenge class by the end of the season. Just don't blink when it happens. Expect the series curmudgeons to pat themselves on the back this year for predicting that the year will be crap. They will love it... and themselves. (I wonder when they will choose to recognize the other half of the field? I don't think the cars are going any time soon. I laugh... why count/mention 2 GT1 Vettes race themselves yet now ignore a entire class?).

Get used to watching your races early. Really early... on a Monday morning. Green racing's next marketing move is to reduce emissions and energy consumption. Simple: Less fans drive to the races, and less fans turn on their TV's to tune in. Grand Am has been pioneering this type of green racing for a few years now. 2011 will be a little better despite major manufacturer return. The intercontinental-cup-of-lame-racing-politics will ensure that the ALMS is kept down with manufacturer dollar only going to the big events, and thus ensuring that no-one goes to races like Mosport (i.e. a location where they will come if you build it... so they will do everything they can to not build it).

You are welcome.

17. Racing Politics: Why NASCAR has it right.

2009-09-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

Says one Official to the other on the topic of Fiat/Porsche contesting the Vette illegal direct injection:

"Oops... did we overlook that little fact and let the Vettes run hot for a few races so that they could look good, and be immediately competitive out of the box, thus keeping GM happy and more willing to fund future seasons?"

"I think we did sir. What about the 4.0L Porsche flat 6 sir?"

"Oops... hard to believe we let that one go under our nose since it was implemented in the 2008 season. No blind eye turned for the sake of saving Porsche face to keep them competitive, and to keep their money flowing into the series. Publicly giving them concessions beyond the 30lbs would have made the proud company look bad."

"Sir, some people are questioning the recent and sudden improvement in the pace of the BMW's."

"Nonsense! Pure German engineering... Efficient Dynamics. The Ultimate Driving Experience, and nothing more."

"Thank you for the clarification sir. It is good to know that with the recent news that BMW is leaving F1... and will have lots of race-cash floating around, that there would be no temptation to let BMW have some behind the scenes black-box parts swapped into their cars to suddenly make them faster... thus making the program look more successful than it is... and tempting BMW suits to send more money in the direction of GT racing."

The Serpent lesson of the day:

In GT racing, the goal at the end of the day is to get a bunch of different cars on the track that are all competitive with (ideally) similar rules. But life is not that easy, money talks, and changes are made to give fans good racing, and keep manufacturers happy.

Racing is somewhat artificial. The best car doesn't always win. Money and politics always cloud the picture.

Sound like a mess? Sound more like politics than sport? Some things in racing never change.

With all the recent bashing of poor ALMS economic models, NASCAR kind of had it right. They kept fans happy by giving fans the illusion that different makes were actually different cars. They kept manufacturers happy by keeping development costs at a minimum, and performance at par... with the stipulation that manufacturers invest money in the series (with advertising in return). They then learned to focus on the drivers as a storyline. Fans like cars, but they like humans too.

So why don't I watch NASCAR?

Batracer: LMES Season results!!!

2009-08-27T17:09:00.000-07:00

For it's first ever Batracer LMES season, Gliding Serpent Motorsports ran a two car team. What we lacked in experience we made up in consistency and drive.

Le Mans Endurance Series (#43705 - Private game) – July 2009
Porsche 996 GT3 RSR - Porsche Flat 6 – Pirelli

Team Standings:

1st of 10 in class (4th of 40 overall, all classes)
1106 points; 6 wins; 24 podiums; 11 poles; 6 fastest laps

Individual Standings:

“Soaring Snake” - Thinker, Control Freak, Spatial Awareness
1st in class (3rd overall, all classes)
570 points; 4 wins; 13 podiums; 3 poles; 2 fastest laps

“Gliding Serpent” - Cool, Spatial Awareness, Consistent
3rd in class (10th overall, all classes)
536 points; 2 wins; 11 podiums; 8 poles; 4 fastest laps

40 cars overall

16: Gliding Serpent Motorsports Official Press Release

2009-08-20T11:15:00.000-07:00

GLIDING SERPENT MOTORSPORTS UNVEILS ALMS GT2 PROGRAM

Atlanta, Georgia (August 20, 2009) – New team, new look, new car, new brand – that was what was unveiled during a press conference today in Georgia. Gliding Serpent Motorsports, Inc. (GSM) establishes a new entity, formed to race Porsche 911 GT3 RSRs in the ALMS GT2 category and the 24 Hours of Le Mans.

Gliding Serpent Motorsports officially announced a GT2 program for the American Le Mans Series that will see the Georgia, Atlanta-based team unite with the Porsche brand by entering a Porsche 911 GT3 RSR pair for a full-season championship effort in 2010.

“This has always been a childhood dream of mine,” said GSM team principal John Thompson. “We are most fortunate to be able to participate in our dreams, racing in sportscar championships. In particular, driving in cars made by a legend like Porsche. Over the last few months we haven’t spent our time idly; we’ve focused on the creation of a world class race organization. With a partnership in Porsche, we feel like our work with both the ALMS and the ACO will give us a car that is number one: competitive on the track, number two: representative of Porsche’s racing history, and number three: I can’t think of a number three right now, but it will be awesome I promise."

GSM will be entering the ALMS with Porsche as a technical and marketing partner. Porsche has provided vital engineering, information and support to assist the team in the their inaugural year. "The timing is great for us because Porsche is currently eager to shift resources from Grand Am to the ALMS for next season” stated Thompson. Preparation of the Porsche 911 GT3 RSR is near completion at the GSM facility (known in the inner circles as the “snake pit”). A parallel engine development process is also underway for the new injected 4-liter normally aspirated engine which will become standard in all 2010 Porsche 911 GT2 cars. “Although there are many high points for Porsche this year, Porsche is 100% committed with its efforts to address issues of reliability. We feel privileged to be part of the development process of an engine that should be revolutionary in terms of fuel efficiency, power, and reliability. Preliminary testing results have been nothing short of astonishing. We want that 30 lbs back.”

GSM will be racing at least 2 “next generation” RSR’s in the ALMS next year, and is working hard to get an entry for Petit Le Mans powered by MAZDA6 this Year. “Right now we have two test mules. One is running the current engine, and the other the next generation engine.” “We hope to run at least one this year at Petit. We are working night and day with Porsche to make this happen.”

“The addition of Gliding Serpent Motorsports speaks volumes about the status of the American Le Mans Series,” said Scott Atherton, President and CEO of the world’s leading sports car series. “Not only does the series add to a world class lineup of manufacturers, but the fact that this addition occurs during such a challenging time in our industry makes the announcement truly significant. I was told not to give away any secrets, but they gave me a look into the development of a next generation Porsche engine, and their revolutionary "color-based-aerodynamics." This team really solidifies the ALMS as a forum for cutting edge racing technology. John is one of the most enthusiastic and innovative people in motorsport and his decision to bring Gliding Serpent Motorsports and it’s development program with Porsche into the American Le Mans Series at this time is the best endorsement we could ask for.”

“Looking back over the decades, I believe Porsche’s finest hours in motorsports have occurred in sportscar racing. The timing of its continued evolution couldn’t be better. Porsche can introduce, develop and showcase their technologies and immediately link the DNA of their racecar to the 911 in the showroom in a way that no other form of motorsport can match. We are very proud to be welcoming John Thompson, Gliding Serpent Motorsports, and the Porsche brand as the newest stakeholders of the American Le Mans Series, and we look forward to seeing them on the track in the very near future”.

Announcements on driver and commercial partners will be made at a later date. “I don’t want to give anything away, but our driver lineup will blow everyone away.” States Thompson. “Porsche is behind us 100%.” “Money talks.”

For more information on Gliding Serpent Motorsports, go to www.glidingserpentmotorsport.com. For information on the American Le Mans Series, go to www.americanlemans.com.

15. Mid-Ohio-Musings

2009-08-09T08:26:00.001-07:00

Race Predictions:

The Serpent just wanted to weigh in with his Mid-Ohio predictions. The race is now over but the Serpent is doing his best to avoid all contact with the world until the Race is televised on NBC.

My predictions... Simon and Gil will win P1. Acura will take P2. The Spyder will get P3 (in class). The lizards will again Dominate GT2. The Vettes will place 3rd and 5th (but damn do they look good!!!).

Consider the above fact.

Post Race Analysis:

Pretty close with my predictions... but then this year is getting pretty predictable. At least the Vettes are hitting the ground running and may give the Lizards (edit... the 45) some competition (now that Farnbacher Loles is shifting resources to Satan's racing series). They sure do look good... they made me price Corvette's latest and greatest online. Alas, the consumer offering lacks the sexy wide stance. Plus, the race was not actually on Sunday, and a 911 won.

The Lizards continue to school GT2

Even a 50lbs weight penalty can't stop them. Does the 44 get the weight penalty too? They need to take 50 from the 44 and give it to the 45. Of note, well reputed contacts high within the series (whom I refer to on a first name basis because I am that important... email me any time Scott), told the Serpent that the weight added to the 911's was not for their questionable 4.0L engine block reinforcing... but rather a move by Obama to help promote American engineering. They need all the help they can get.

In response to the 911 engine complaints (notice how they had the same engine since mid season last year with not a peep of complaint?), Porsche removed the extra engine block reinforcement... and moved that mass to the front of the car to further improve balance. The 50lbs penalty ballast was then used to reinforce the engine block.

LMP1

Gliding Serpent's One Sidedly Positive View of all things ALMS does not cover LMP1. The Serpent gets his fill of two car racing from Pinks.

LMP2

Muscle milk should have placed 3rd like the Serpent said it should. Shame on Mazda. Of note... I wonder what Dyson has to say about their old car finishing ahead of them. All the serpent asks is that someone, anyone, beats that damn P2 Acura.

Why Youtube is not a good way to prepare for Mid-Ohio:

Kaffer and Risi. Mental note by Kaffer: Don't watch 13 year old kids drive around Mid-Ohio using a GT racing sim on their computers. A sober reminder of how tight money is this year.

Why Hybrids are all Hype:

Your neighbor... and his trendy hybrid SUV? Purely marketing. He gets 12 miles to the gallon. So does the Zytec P1 Hybrid.

Trading V's:

I should add that it is unfortunate to lose both the Viper and the Vici cars... but at least they are replaced by the very high quality Vettes, which look very competitive out of the box. Would Corvette have it any other way? The Serpent hopes that Audi and Acura returns next year. Expect Porsche and BMW in P1 for 2011... Toytota too. More of my chums in the inner circles of the ALMS told me so.

TV Coverage=AWESOME!!!

The Serpent would like to thank NBC for their great coverage of everything not race at Mid-Ohio. The pole on the official ALMS webpage last week asked it fans wanted more of 1. Interviews 2. Corvette 3. Crowd shots 4. On-track battles and actual racing or 5. Crashes and cars lapping on yellow.

Based on today's coverage we can see that clearly 1, 3, and 5 were the most popular with fans. Thank god the ALMS is catering to fan demand these days. Who actually wants to tune in to see racing anyway??? Who cares about grid counts... 5 cars or 50, I didn't get to see any of them.

The Serpent at Petit

Although not originally part of the team plan, Gliding Serpent Motorsports expects to be at Petit Le Mans this year. Official press release to come. Until then we are working night and day (and I am not talking online racing). Expect a new Gliding Serpent Motorsports Team Webpage soon.

Gliding Serpent Motorsports Liveries.

2009-08-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

1. "Classic Serpent": The original livery. This livery got us an early strong start to the season.

2. "Pink Snake": Released to celebrate our first double podium of the season. A bad choice as the car made true to the original "Pink Pig" history and neither car finished the race despite running with the top 3 through most of the race.

3. "FarnbacherSerpent": Released to celebrate 2 straight DNF's (including a retirement from mechanical failure on the last lap when in second place) for both cars... despite top 3 qualifying and competing amongst the top 3 through most of the race. This streak brought the team from a strong second to near the back of the pack.

4. "Ill-Tempered Serpent": A new more vicious livery has since helped Gliding Serpent Motorsports to claw out of their deep hole in the points standings. 2 races to date with a 1-3 and 1-2 finish.

5. "Serpent Viper": Prototype for the GSM's future move to GTS.

6. Zytec LMP2 Snake:

7. Gliding Serpent/Endurance Syndicate:.
8. Endurance Syndicate LMP2 Zytec:

9. Endurance Syndicate Serpent Zytec:

10. "Gliding Serpent M-Sports Viper"

Below are a few of the current Gliding Serpent Motorsport liveries.

My new drug... BATracer

2009-08-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Q: BATracer?

A: Good question... think online fantasy basketball/baseball/football/etc. but for racing. You are the team manager!

Q: Who cares?

A: You do DAMN IT!!! They have Le Mans Endurance Sports Car Racing leagues. Sure they are from the 2004/5 era... but 2008 is on it's way!

Q: Where?

A: Batracer.com!!!! It is free!

Q: Why are you not writing more stupid opinion articles on the ALMS? We miss you pretending that you know everything and anything related to the ALMS. We need someone to dump on our views, "flip" out in arguments, have the last word, tell us we can't read, flaunt insider contacts, and promote his blog/webpage on every possible opportunity! We need you back!

A: Because my 2 Porsche 911 RSR's are too busy helping me get my ass handed to me in Batracer!

Q: You seem like a chill guy Serpent? How can I race with you?

A: Join my clan... see below.

THE ENDURANCE SYNDICATE

Formula what??? Exactly! Who cares!!! >_<

This is for the red blooded endurance sports car racing fans that insist that it is "not real racing" until you pass the three hour mark. BTCC sprints and features? Hardly gets our tires warm. "Real men" drive sprints that are 2 hours, 45 minutes. We eat them for breakfast.

What is that? Think you are fast? Ok... now do that for 24 hours and then get back to us. You need to be fast AND have balls the size of your fist to run with us.

The Endurance Syndicate has one focus: To hone the ancient and sacred art that is Le Mans endurance sports car racing. We are a Tomb of knowledge. We will teach your grandmother to drive a GT car and hand you your hind-end when driving in the wet. We will make your brain explode with flawless endurance strategy.

Do you think you have what it takes? Are your balls the size of a medium sized fruit? Do you eat glass? Crap sparks? Belch fire? Think L. Hamilton is a fairy?

If you have said yes to at least one of the above... contact us. WE WANT YOU!

Gliding Serpent Motorsports online store now open!

2009-07-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

By popular request, we are happy to announce that Gliding Serpent Motorsports has opened an Official Team Store!

Thank you for shopping at our online store. If you would like to submit an order, or have any questions about shipping or our products, email us at Gliding_Serpent@Hotmail.com. Click small pictures to get a larger view.

We accept

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Item 001: Gliding Serpent Motorsports "98% of the way there" T-Shirt

Celebrate the Serpent's inaugural 2010 entry into the ALMS GT2 class with this cool new tee. The image shows the No. 95 Porsche in all it's press release glory. We have printed only 50 shirts total, so get one soon! Printed on a white 60% organic cotton tee by AlmostOrganics.

$50.00

Sizes: S/M/L/XL/Fatty

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Item 002: Gliding Serpent Motorsports "You are welcome!" T-Shirt

Everyone loves the Serpent with his feel-good wit. Show how much you love him, and adore his every word, with this "You are welcome" T-Shirt! Shirt front shows the No. 95 Porsche in all it's press release glory (see item 001). We have printed only 50 shirts total, so get one soon! Printed on a white 60% organic cotton tee by AlmostOrganics.

$50.00

Sizes: S/M/L/XL/Chubba-dub
(only 48 left!)

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Item 003: Gliding Serpent Motorsports "Frigging Joke" T-Shirt

Celebrate the birth of the Gliding Serpent's "World Class (TM) and one-sidedly positive view of all things ALMS" blog of all things truth related with this new shirt. Re-experience the classic moments of offensive comments after post #00. Shirt front shows the No. 95 Porsche in all it's press release glory (see item 001). We have printed only 50 shirts total, so get one soon! Printed on a white 60% organic cotton tee by AlmostOrganics.

$50.00

Sizes: S/M/L/XL/Tubby

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Item 004: Gliding Serpent Motorsports "every meaningless point" T-Shirt

Forum pest or World-Class(TM) Hero? Whatever your views, pay tribute to the classic americanlemansfans.com moments whenever you wear this shirt. Shirt front shows the No. 95 Porsche in all it's press release glory (see item 001). We have printed only 50 shirts total, so get one soon! Printed on a white 60% organic cotton tee by AlmostOrganics.

$50.00

Sizes: S/M/L/XL/metabolic-disorder

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COMING SOON: Gliding Serpent Motorsports personal lubricant

14: The shape of the ALMS to come: Part 5 of 7

2009-07-17T16:44:00.000-07:00

As promised here is the Serpent's outlook for the future of the Prototype divisions in the ALMS:

As a quick recap... 2011 will be a year of glorious change for P1. P1 in 2011 will basically be our current P2 (an oversimplification but as far as the casual ALMS fan is concerned... it all looks the same after a few beer). Today's P1's will go way of the dodo. Be excited. This will be greater than anything sports car fans could ever imagine.

What of Audi and Acura the P1's?

A tough situation so I will address it first. The answer, dear fans, is "It depends."

Option 1: Audi and Acura milk their current P1 cars for all they are worth. If they both come knocking on the door for a full season next year... expect them to bring $$$ (i.e. music to cash starved ALMS ears). We all know money talks, so expect rules to keep them on top of the prototypes. The good side of this is that Acura vs: Audi would make for good racing, even if it is only 4 cars. Just remember that these cars are going way of the dodo. Next year may be their last horrah unless they can use their money and influence to change a few minds.

Option 2: Only one of the above returns. If this is the case, the carrot to keep them/attract them will be a promise of performance superiority. BUT, to keep things interesting for fans, there will effectively be one prototype division as far as the actual races go. P1 cars will still have the edge, but they will be reigned back (think 2008).

Option 3: Audi and Acura don't return to P1. This is a worse case scenario, but actually makes a lot of sense given the rule changes for 2011, and current economic conditions. I think this option will make grown men cry on the forums. The casual sports car fans won't notice the difference however. (As if the simpleton casual fan would notice the lack of the fancy silver cars with the Olympic rings. I also doubt they would notice the time difference when they watch the race on TV, Monday morning, at 2am, a week after the actual race.) I would expect a few P2 Acuras to remain as they are good little cars and should be easy as my grandmother's pear-pie recipe to convert to 2011 regulations. Just a few year-to-year upgrades. No Biggie. Expect a resurgence of the Porsche Spyder in privateer hands for similar reasons.

In summary:

My prediction? I don't expect a huge economic recovery, but a gradual improvement next year. As a result, I would not be surprised to see factory P1's go the way of the dinosaur next year in the ALMS. Expect the remaining P1's to be corralled towards 2011 P1 specs/performance. Next year, today's P2's will take the spotlight race to race (that means more $$$). Don't worry though, the factory P1 dino's will arrive for the larger “Intercontinental Cup" type races in the US. Also, expect the Challenge class to reach it's full potential and open up to entries outside of the Patron 911's. GT1 will stay dead in 2010 and be replaced by the more economical P2 class in 2011 (unless Nissan lights a fire...).

Maybe not an ideal picture, but a Porsche/Acura/Mazda three-way would not be so bad, especially if they can attract more funding now that they would be the premiere class. Throw in a couple of neutered R15's and we have a horse race again.

You are Welcome.

Gliding Serpent Motorsports presents...

2009-07-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

Official announcement to follow.

13: The shape of the ALMS to come: Part 4 of 7

2009-07-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

Step one. Monopoly.

Let us begin with where I left off in Part 3:

Get rid of your opponent... or buy it and own it. Here is the twist: Money grubbers also call the shots on the NASCAR side of the fence. Which series can make them the most money? Hint: money grubbers want to grub money from as many people as possible. They already have the money of NASCAR fans... so they want control of a series with a different appeal/fan base. Guess who? The # of fans in the GA stands is your hint...

The powers that be (the grubbers) want a monopoly on racing in North America. Sports cars is the next demographic on their list. So enter the purchase of Grand Am.

So why Grand Am and not the ALMS in the first place? Simple: because Grand Am was basically thrown at them for pennies. The problem is that they bought a near dead series as far as fans are concerned. Throw in the bad economy, and even our NASCAR boys are struggling to market the series, and the losses increase. Time for Plan B, and I am not talking about you niece's dirty little teenage secret with Bobby...

Plan B: Kick them when they are down

The ALMS is struggling too if you have not noticed. No major sponsor, cutbacks, layoffs, reduced quality of TV coverage, desperate attempts to fill out grids. Teams are worrying... and in swoops GA/NASCAR for the kill. Too proud to sell to us before? Well now you are too far in debt to stop us from picking you apart!

But should Grand Am (who are we kidding... NASCAR) buy the ALMS? Should they just buy the rights to Dons tracks (read: Sebring) and leave a carcass behind?

How do you buy out all or some of a series and not have it turn up the next year in a different form... competing for your dollar? Hint: Buying Sebring will not save GA from itself. The grubbers know it.

Grand Am needs to remove the competition. Step one: Forget the label of the ALMS at the moment. Look at it as 25 or so cars with support teams, sponsors, principals, drivers, and fans. Look at Grand Am the same way. Who has more money? Who attracts more fans? Who brings in more sponsorship dollars? Now add Jag and Corvette to the deal... Audi too. Who is bigger now? Who do you think the money grubbers at NASCAR want to put their money behind?

The plan forward is getting mighty simple and obvious...

But what about loyalty to GA teams?

Money trumps. Next question.

Where now then?

You can't buy the ALMS and kill it. It will show up again with a different name and different tracks. Some teams may jump ship to GA, but the fastest cars will not be in GA... and that will hurt their image. Whatever series comes out of the ashes with be a thorn in the side of GA... and add a couple of R15's to that mix... and GA is back at square one. Remember, the ALMS is not the series... it is the 25+ cars and their teams and owners. Buying Sebring won't save you... but there is another way...

Courting the Flying Lizards, Fiats, BMW's, and Vettes.

They bring the greatest proportion of fans... and money. The grubbers smell it at NASCAR. GA knows they need to get these teams/cars on board. Beg, borrow, steal, subsidize. Let me rephrase this... GT2 in ALMS is a (relative) goldmine. To pass it up would be plain stupid on a financial level. GT2 will be around next year, even if it has a new home.

Here is the problem: Ferrari will not support teams entering GA GT...that is the equivalent of marketing suicide. They would never allow defeat to a tube frame Pontiac. There was a good reason why they only showed up at Daytona.

What about the prototypes?

P1 will be dead soon. 2011 regulations will see to that. That leaves us with a possibility of Audi and Acura as filler (in North America) till then. That is another topic altogether.

Todays P2 will be tomorrows P1 in the world of Le Mans. The hope is that the 2011 specs will make it more affordable to run (good luck with that...). DP's have stability year to year. Le Mans prototypes do not. How does a race series engineer the best of both worlds?

More will be clarified in Part 5. Stay tuned, I will map out the prototype friendly structure of sports car racing in North America in 2010. With all of the rumors of GA buying up the ALMS... just don't be surprised if it resembles the ALMS more than GA.

Also, stay tuned for part 6 of the series: "Supporting the ALMS by getting your office involved with it's own Green Challenge by Michelin." Bring your calculators, it will be some fast paced, edge of your seat, feel-good, tree-hugging, accounting action!!! Scott A. will also be giving an exclusive not-to-be-missed interview.

You are welcome.

12: The shape of the ALMS to come: Part 3 of 7

2009-07-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

An analysis on Grand Am vs: the ALMS

or

"How I learned to stop worrying and love the Grand Am."

Welcome back dear fans of premium, edge of your seat, sports car racing. In my last article we discussed hard financial numbers and rekindled our inner baking skills, and all for the better good of the sports car series we love. Expect miracles soon. Please stop emailing, I will be posting the recipe for my grandmother's pear pie very soon, as promised. The trick is to use pears that are still green as they will not turn to mush when baked.

Today by popular request (and by virtue that this is part 3 of 7 of my great Epic that is "The shape of the ALMS to come") the Serpent will begin to discuss exactly what the ALMS will look like down the road. I will admit, I have had a number of fans emailing me fearing the future... fearing if there will even be a future. But fear not, like your hero Scott A., I will calm you by focusing on a few marketing talking points until you fatigue, stop caring, and go home. Let us begin...

A primer on the ALMS:

Let us remember that the ALMS is basically an open public forum for manufacturers to design, innovate, and prove the might of their product. Even better, private coffers flip many of the bills. How good of a deal is that?!?! Innovate on Friday, join the ALMS on Saturday, win on Sunday, sell on Monday. The ALMS is merely a facilitator to the process (they might skim a few dollars profit also). They set up the show including race venues and TV coverage (including some network races) and persuade teams and sponsors to invest and join in the show to make it all possible.

The wee problem here is that the series is competing with teams for sponsorship, and that this model does not do so well in tough financial times because of a heavy reliance on major manufacturer/private support.

Moreover, if one manufacturer consistently proves difficult to beat... other manufacturers tire of the bad publicity and run. Some people don't like real competition... which makes for a nice lead in to...

A Primer on the Grand AM:

This is racing for the simple man. Keep it simple, keep it cheap, keep it close. DP's represent a poor man's prototype. The series gives manufacturers credit for the chassis and engine... so they are kept happy. Development on these cars is nill, which is great because it also cuts out development costs for teams/manufacturers. Exposure with minimal effort/expenditure by the manufacturer/team. Race DP's, sell GT's.

Teams like it because they are being subsidized to stay in the series (race winnings, cash handouts from NASCAR to keep teams/car/drivers in the series). GA is also a better place to be competitive if you have a team with a lower budget. Everyone uses the same antiquated DP's, and if one becomes dominant... they get flowers, a race trophy, and a performance penalty.

There is more catering to sponsors. GA gives sponsors lots of flat surfaces for their DP's. Remember, those cars were designed with one goal in mind... not looks, not speed, not safety, but MAXIMAL surface area for banners. They don't call DP's "a banner on 4 wheels" for nothing. The world's fastest and most technologically advanced billboard that also happens to be a car.

Finally, GA is an attempt to appeal to both the NASCAR and Sports Car crowds. They appeal to NASCAR fans by keeping things simple and competitive... and Sports car fans buy driving on tracks that are not some variation of the egg shape, and throwing in a few actual sports cars too.

Obviously, with less dependence and cost to manufacturers, they are not hurt AS MUCH as the ALMS in bad times. Plus, manufacturers that don't like all out competition (i.e. looking bad in the face of the public when they are lapped by an import, race after race) may be happy to be in Grand AM. They also have the 800lb gorilla behind them in the form of NASCAR (translation: deeper pockets in the war of financial attrition with the ALMS).

However, rumor would have it that the NASCAR war chest is being dipped into quite a lot this year with all the subsidizing that has been going around. The dozen fans at the races certainly are not paying for it. Oh yeah... sponsors/teams/manufacturers don't like the lack of viewers/fans/exposure/interest. The only thing they have going for them right now is an 800lb gorilla (that is feeling the hard economic times itself).

If the series actually had fans they would all be pretty scared right now... even 800lb gorillas don't like to keep dead weight for long.

What is GA to do?

Step one. Monopoly. Get rid of your opponent... or buy it and own it. Here is the twist: Money grubbers also call the shots on the NASCAR side of the fence. Which series can make them the most money? Hint: money grubbers want to grub money from as many people as possible. They already have the money of NASCAR fans... so they want control of a series with a different appeal/fan base. Guess who? The # of fans in the GA stands is your hint...

More food for thought for part 4: How do you buy out all or some of a series and not have it turn up the next year in a different form... competing for your dollar? Hint: Sebring will not save GA from itself. The grubbers know it.

You are welcome!

10: The shape of the ALMS to come (Part 1 or 7)

2009-06-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

Although the ALMS is currently in it's longest break of the schedule and most of our focus has been fixed on the escapades in the F1 world, we are in critical times. Let us begin our first of a 7 part analysis of the shape of the ALMS to come...

A little bird says that "Grand-Am was going to buy the ALMS."

'Was' going to buy the ALMS or 'is' going to buy the ALMS? Clarify your rumors chump. Let's assume he meant is, and that he is correct. This is the best news ever! Why? Well, if saving money is the goal, joining up with Grand-Am is perfect. This way everyone will save money. "How is that oh wise Glider?" Hear me out, I have done a thesis on this topic... here is the abridged version:

A. Synergy of Techknowlogy. Everyone thinks that the ALMS is the most advanced and forward thinking series in NA, but let us not forget that Grand Am has a lot of novel techknowogy to share with the ALMS. Such synergy of technowlogy will be invaluable to both series. For example: Grand Am prototypes save tens upon tens of dollars (and a few pounds of weight), using cutting edge lightweight stickers on their cars. Their headlights are stickers, their grills are stickers, and so are their second drivers and 1/3 of the crowd. Watch closely next broadcast and you will see what I mean. Rumor is that they save even more money with engine stickers. The cars are truly powered by the drivers. Big savings for costly ALMS cars. Imagine how easy this would be to market as part of the Green Challenge!

B. Panoz. Joining GA will be the best thing that could happen to the rumored Panoz prototype. People have been heavily criticizing the rumored project as it supposedly centers around a chassis that has been around longer than most people's children. Guess what?... so have most of the GA chassis. Perfect fit!!!

C. Fans save money too!! How? Simple. Do you notice how many fans of GA show up to their races? All I can say is that that turns in to a lot of money saved by Joe Sports Car Fan.

Stay tuned for part 2... "How bake sales will save the ALMS financially"

You are welcome.

09: The 2009 Le Mans is now officially over.

2009-06-15T17:18:00.000-07:00

Some may think that the 2009 Le Mans is over, but we all know that as per tradition, it is not truly over until the Serpent has his final say on the matter. Let me begin.

Audi cutbacks = Le Mans blunder?

We all know that Audi's chances for victory were lost as soon as I published my previous article. However, some would argue that cutbacks to their 2009 program may have also factored in. I can't disagree. Audi has relied on two things to elements for their dominance in the past: A lack of true competition, and (when there is competition) damn hard work at perfecting the little things. This year saw true competition, and the little things went down the drain. The Pugs pulled off a truly Audi-esque performance. The over-heating and lost times spent in the pits last year? Fixed by easily removable/replacable screens in front of their radiators. Audi... well they looked like Pug from last year, radiators and all.

Would running a few more races in the ALMS/LMS have helped Audi's effort? Maybe not in regards to their Le Mans setup... but it would have helped to keep the entire team sharp in a real world racing environment, and the time would surley help to identify weak links in the car. The big question now is how badly does Audi want to win next year? If they really want it bad, expect them to return to the ALMS and maybe even LMS asap. The second question is: Will the boys in charge of the cash let them do it? I have let them know they should. Hopefully they will have the wisdom to heed the Serpent's call.

Oh yeah. Reputable sources say that Pug is working on a doc retelling the story of their victory. The first line will be: "It does not always rain at Le Mans."

Kolles: Impressive?

Much has been said of how much the R10's impressed and surprised at Le Mans. All I have to say is that they were no where near being in the running for a podium. I think people, including the Serpent, were surprised only because the team had set such poor expectations prior to Le Mans. Still.. 2 drivers over 24 hours deserves respect. I give you permission.

Why a Ferrari Sweep in GT2 is the worst thing that could happen for the future of GT2 at Le Mans

The Fiats outnumbered the porkies by about 2:1... and all that was left was a Spyker and an Aston Martin. Maybe I am spoiled by the current ALMS GT2 field, but the lack of diversity was pretty unimspiring, especially once the morning hit and the only Porsche in sight was Endurance Team Asia (... who was only running because they were in the garage most of the night due to mechanical troubles appearing between hours 3 and 4). Only the Lizard 911 did not leave from mechanical failure... unless you consider hitting a wall of tires a mechanical failure (they should have taken 3rd).

As a self proclaimed 911 fan... I will admit that the porkies were outdone. The Serpent was so hoping a nice big piece of pork would have been sitting in the centre of the podium... as a big middle finger to the high brass at Ferrari. This year the Serpent advocated this more than ever: Not because it was Ferrari's 60th, but because they spent so much effort taunting sports car fans over the F1 fiasco. Shame on them.

So why is the Fiat podium sweep a poison for GT2 at Le Mans? Because next year you can expect even more Fiats (and a new one at that). Can you say boring? Lets just hope GM scrapes by well enough to send a couple of GT2 Vettes.

Dempsey. Team Asia. The Lambo.

Word on the street is that there is some upset and concern over the fact that teams like Advanced Engineering (With Patrick Dempsey... you may have heard of him), Team Endurance Asia, and "that Lambo" (They were easy to miss on the actual race track but you may have seen them lapping a few times very slowly before they retired...) got invites while other loyal teams that are actively part of Le Mans related series did not.

How did the JLOC Lambo get in? Easy... to fill out the "exclusive" GT1 class. The fact that they got in tells you what you can expect from GT1 for next year. Lets just say that it will be VERY exclusive. TEA and Dempsey? I will point out that these teams were put high on the reserves list... i.e. this was a move to say "you will be able to come, but we put you on the reserve list to minimize offense to loyal teams that are actively part of Le Mans related series that we shafted." That being said, I can assure you that including these teams has NOTHING to do with politics. It was in no way an attempt to lure a Hollywood star and his trail of free publicity into the fold. There was NO ATTEMPT to cross promote the Asian Le Mans and rekindle interest from the East.

I compare getting your entry accepted to Le Mans as being equivalent to getting into that trendy and exclusive night club. The "good old boys" get in, friends of the owner get in, anyone willing to hand the bouncer a fat wad of cash gets in, hot girls in short skirts get in, famous people get in, but you may not, even if you are near the front of the line and show up early every year.

I am (naturally) so great...

The serpent would like to finish this article with the most important subject of all: How great I am. Now I am not just talking about great in a general everyday sense (that is a topic for an upcoming article). I am talking about my god-given talent of divining the future. Not only were my Le Mans predictions correct, but they were frighteningly correct. "This strongly points to Audi and their aerodynamic design of the R15, and it's TDI engine. The reversal of this card also hints that the cleverness of Audi will be their downfall. Technical innovation will betray team Audi. This could only mean a victory for Peugeot." Sound familiar? Is should, because the new Audi aero gave them nothing but troubles with understeer for the first half of the race. The TDI engine... overheating. The winner... Peugeot. I told my loyal fans to consider it fact, and it was. Take note my students, this is a lesson to be remembered.

I would also like to take credit for my predictions of the factory Vettes and Porsche Spyders taking GT1 and P2... but anyone who could not predict that deserves a punch in the mouth. I had a feeling Risi would repeat in GT2, but the 2nd Risi on the Podium was a surprise to even the great Glider.

p.s. The keen amung you may remember me asking: "Who's speculation can we trust enough for betting our hard earned dollars (i.e. the kids "education" fund)?" Lets just say that when you mix the Serpent, his Audi backing friend, a few drinks, and a betting scheme that pays based on how many laps one team wins over the other... you suddenly find youself able to send many "children" to "university." All I will say for now is that I don't believe in education, and I will reinvest in the sport from which I grew... stay tuned dear fans...

You are Welcome!

08: Lou G. and the Serpent talk about racing, tires, scandal, and pissing into the wind.

2009-06-09T04:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome back my great fans! You have asked for it, and I have given: an exclusive interview with the man, the myth, the legend, a long time friend of the Serpent… Lou Gigliotti.

Q: Lou, what would you say is your best memory from your ALMS experience to date?

A: Finding out how good the IMSA and ALMS staff is and just being able to race there.

Q: The staff are pretty good eh? I bet they are. Say no more, say no more. Wink wink, nudge nudge. And what would you say is your worst ALMS memory?

A: Long Beach 09 in the last 4 minutes.

Q: Is there anyone in the ALMS that you would like give a flying drop-kick?

A: No, but there is a general arrogance displayed by the "Michelin teams" toward the non-Michelin teams as if there is some sort of superiority inherent in their effort. (It’s the tires stupid). All this while totally disregarding the impact of having the only tire that has won 100 races out of maybe 100 races. Even the might of BMW, with their huge "funding," cannot "measure up" without that tire. It is also the "tire situation" that keeps some great teams from coming to the ALMS, and no other reason. But hey, "Purity to the death."

Q: Your car and trailer are for sale, although it is said that you might return for Petit or even Mosport. Have your plans to "stick it" to the new Corvette Racing GT2's changed?

A: See above. There is no chance of a non-Michelin tired car winning anything. And the phrase, "Pissing into the wind" comes to mind. Porsche and Ferrari can "make the call" to get Michelins for their teams but GM would not make THAT call for our Corvette. In fact, the word is that they did the opposite. I also think Corvette racing has "stuck it to themselves" and they will have to become slave to the "Green" propaganda machine to ensure future funding. But, as of the moment of the bankruptcy, their contract is null and void. IT will have to be revisited by the 31 year old GM dismantler before they can continue past what funding they already have.

Q: What is the application process like to get the tires? Do you need to run the gauntlet or perform some equivalent feat of strength?

A: The application process is as follows: A team begs Michelin to sell them tires. Michelin contacts the car Manufacturer. If they say yes, then Michelin sells you tires. That was how it was in 2008 with 22 teams (23 when de Ferran came in).

Then in 2009, with only 11 teams back with them, Michelin actually called us. We were on a path to be allowed to buy Michelin tires. But then they called GM and Corvette racing and 2 days later we got the thumbs down and were refused by Michelin. (but hey, GM's Wesoloski was "Fired" and last I saw, GM was bankrupt, Hmmm?) Sorry if I sound bitter but the truth is the ultimate defense.

Q: Can we expect you to return to the series in the seasons to come? What would it take to have you return?

A: A spec tire, good TV with equal time for GT2 cars, and a focus on the drivers as the stars. No more "Pit Puppy Cub Reporters" that make the brave and daring drivers look like spoiled brats. Did I say "Spec tire"?

Q: You just won the lottery. Money is no object, but the fine print says that you need to spend the money racing in GT2 of the ALMS. What car would you race?

A: Well, I am Italian, but my business is Corvette based. But if money was no object, and there was a spec tire, I would race a Ferrari. Ciao.

Q: Lou, do you have any interest in joining other racing series? What makes ____ series appealing?

A: Yes. Any series where there is an even shot for a team to compete on equal rubber and with equal rules.-- Drivers with talent usually don't have money, and drivers with money usually don't have talent. (Editor's note: I guess that makes the Gliding Serpent filthy rich.) So I guess I would have to pick a very fast under funded driver. I don't deny that I am close to the end of my "fast years," but no matter what fast drivers we put in our car, I am still within a half second of the best that we have had in the car with only race weekend testing. I am still faster than everyone else we have tested, so I am not ready to pack it in yet.

Each team has two drivers, and at each track one will inevitably out-shine the other. But in a non-Michelin team, the perception is that both drivers are slow because the average fan does not know how much the tires affect the performance.

The tire thing really guts me because is it like flushing money down the toilet just trying to be at the race. We all know that a non-Michelin tired car will just be "Soybean Filler in the ALMS Hamburger".

Q: Some fans of the series have had a lot of criticism of ALMS management. Others would say that they are doing their best given the tough economic times. How would you say management is doing from a privateer perspective? Do you have any suggestions to make the series more "team friendly?"

A: The ALMS management has done a fantastic job. Especially IMSA group. The only thing holding the series back is the tire situation. If Formula One can run a Spec tire, then why is it not good for the ALMS? Le Mans can open up the tire rule for the one 24 hour race but in America there has to be a spec tire to bring in more teams. NO team will come into the series if they can not get Michelins. Would Penske have come in on FULDA tires or whatever? NO. Acura would not let de Ferran compete if they did not get Michelins. So the powers had to step in because they felt he was an asset. So why is there not similar importance assigned to every team that wants to enter?

I would suggest to management that they make Yokohama or Dunlop the spec tire for GT2 and give the other tire manufacturer the rest. And for killing the series, I would send Michelin home.

Q: Do you think that all of you bridges have been burned with GM?

A: Yes, GM Burned all their bridges with me, and they will have to apologize to me for me to repair the bridges that THEY burned. In 2005, GM racing promised me $80,000 to fall on my sword and let Fellows by at Mosport to help Caddy win. I did and finished second. GM still owes me $70,000, so who burned what bridge?

Q: Do you think taxpayers should be paying for GM’s racing program?

A: I am still under the notion that GM should not spend taxpayers money on racing. They have the Unions to pay don't they?

Q: What is your daily driver?

A: 2009 Corvette Z06, Cadillac CTSv, Chevy 1 ton dually. Wow, all these GM cars and they still went bankrupt? They sold over 9 million cars and still lost money??? If I sold 9 million of ANYTHING, I guarantee that I would not lose money!

Q: A few people have noticed that grid numbers are "a little down" this year. Do you think the ALMS has hit bottom yet? Why/Why not? Any predictions for the health of the series next year?

A: I can tell you that the same theme from above applies here. No spec tire, no growth. Keep the races under 2 hours except for Petit and Sebring. Do more races with the IRL. Put the TV on Versus TV like IRL and stop trying to be a fill in the gaps for NASCAR Speed channel. Versus can grow bigger than Speed just like speed did when they were doing Morris Mini commercials for free and GIVING AWAY TV time. BE BOLD. Join the IRL on Versus TV. If you are Going to be competing with Grand AM head to head, then compete all the way, don't just accept the scraps. That will allow the TV money that comes from tire sponsors to be eliminated due to the spec tire, and with cheaper TV and an 8 year contract, you can grow the channel and Grow ALMS at the same time.

Q: Any thoughts on who will win P1 at Le Mans this year? P2? Gt2? Are you pulling for the Vettes in GT1 or would you rather see them crash and burn?

A: NO one should burn!

P1-Michelin (P1 and GT2 are the only real races there. Take the hint and make just 2 classes immediately)
P2 - Michelin
GT1 - there are no winners other than the hospitality vendors
GT2 - Michelin, and I truly hope it is either Risi or Lizards.

Q: Marilyn Monroe or Angelina Jolie?

A: Neither… My wife of 27 years trumps them both.

Just let me say a couple of things. The drivers and teams in this series are great. The series itself is great. The issues stated above are easily fixed. Much easier than watching the demise of the series if they are not. Tough times require tough actions. And continuation of the mind set, "Purity to the death" should not even come into the equation. Don't let stubbornness kill the series, and lose all the great teams.

The unknown here is if the current White House administration will even "allow" auto racing at all. We may be racing Smart cars and hybrids and towing them to the track with a VW Bus. (Don't laugh). Aligning with the Government cannot lead to a better result.

Racing is the ultimate display of freedom. It is the last clean wholesome fun left in America but its time might be short. God Bless America, Chevrolet and Apple pie!

Thanks
Lou Gigliotti
LGM

07: Dark predictions for overall victory at Le Mans

2009-06-08T15:21:00.001-07:00

The 2009 Le Mans is now upon us! Who will win oh great Serpent? Will Audi repeat victory yet again? Will Aston Martin pull off a miracle victory? Will the corvettes prevail in their final season in GT1? The voices of my fans ring a loud yet childish "uh-oh" in my in-box... I try to filter the tide of questions to my junk mail... yet more get through what appears to be a poor software filter design. Speculation for 2009 Le Mans victory currently runs rampant on the Interweb... who's predictions do we believe? Who's speculation can we trust enough for betting our hard earned dollars (i.e. the kids "education" fund)? Certainly not the left-wing corrupt self-proclaimed insiders of this sport!!!

Fear not my World Class(TM) fans... the Serpent is a master of many skills, and I will now use my exquisite control over the dark powers of Tarot card reading to predict who will be victorious this year.

Oh dark magic! Who will win Le Mans in 2009? Let us begin...

The Five of swords. The first card represents an important element of the past. Swords and warriors are strewn about. We see three noble warriours, growing hardened from years of battle. The warriors clearly represent the #1, #2, and #3 Audi cars. At their side is the loyal companion Joest, strong and courageous, never straying. The numerous swords represent the many weapons used in battles of Audi's past (The R8 and R10. The R15 is held ready for future battles). The castle on the distant hill represents the kingdom that has resulted from prior Le Mans dominance. The wilted tree on the top left represents fragility. This is a dark forewarning that all kingdoms eventually fall.

The Knight of Coins (reversed). This represents a key deciding element of the present . The night of coins is a powerful card. This represents destiny. Our swordsman is now a knight of valor, seasoned and well rewarded for his heroic battles of past. The Gold coin represents Audi's bountiful factory support. Few can challenge his might. Upside down, the Knight of Coins represents a turn of fortune... a turn into financial turmoil. The loyal Joest remains at side. This card clearly describes the financial climate that has brought cutbacks into the current Audi racing program. This is a destiny that Audi cannot avoid despite their previous dominance and aquired might.

The Seven Wands of Valor (reversed). The final card represents that which has not yet come to pass. A very interesting card indeed. Much energy comes from this card. Walking on magical wands the combatant uses a clever rue to gain tactical advantage over his opponents. He has both leverage for striking his foes, and the element of surprise. This strongly points to Audi and their aerodynamic design of the R15, and it's TDI engine. The reversal of this card also hints that the cleverness of Audi will be their downfall. Technical innovation will betray team Audi. This could only mean a victory for Peugeot. (AM won't win because... well... because they won't).

Peugeot will win Le Mans in 2009. Consider it fact.

You are welcome.

06: The Final Word on F1 (Part 2)

2009-05-31T04:24:00.000-07:00

As the fans of Gliding Serpent know well, last week the Serpent gave Ferrari (and the other F1 teams) three choices for their future. Moreover, the Serpent advised the teams to take the first option... to continue racing in F1 but with a higher cap, and the ability to write their own rules. Well, dear fans of Sports car racing, the teams are now following this wise advise which is clearly evident by their conditional entry submissions. Only Williams failed to listen to the Serpent (edit: team insiders tell me that they did listen, but misunderstood).

Now we must just wait for Bernie and Max's response to my suggestion that they accept the conditional entries (I suggested a few revisions which I will outline at a later date). Although they have not yet responded to my freely donated wisdom, their silence it quite telling.

I hear you cry! "where does this leave us O' great Serpent?" Well dear fans, It leaves us right where I want us! The F1 teams will be in a new strange position: they will be saving money... budgeting. Chaos will reign!

Gone will be the days of plush hotels, silicon trophy wives, blow for breakfast, and clothes made out of 1000$ bills. Panic will spread like wildfire as teams try and figure out what they will do with the millions and millions of saved millions! How will a team be able to win the championship without outspending it's opponents?!?! Not by the skill of drivers, let me tell you! Instead, teams will find new clever ways to outspend their competitors for victory. There will be cutting edge fraudulent accounting, top secret devious development, and passing of bleeding edge racing components in dark alleys. As history has shown us... In the spirit of true racing... rules will be made, and teams will find new ways to break them for victory.

"How does this relate to the ALMS?" you wisely ask. Well, now we must ask ourselves what the ALMS can do do become F1's dark alley. How can the rules of the ALMS be twisted to allow shady F1 teams bathing in cash to develop more high tech gadgets for their cars, wives, and pit crews? Dear ALMS... it is now time to work towards spreading your legs to the purulence that is F1. Do not miss this chance to become F1's back door mistress. Just remember to say no to the prenuptial.

As I have factualized previously, expect a Ferrari prototype in late 2010 with a full season participation in 2011 (with other stinking rich F1 makes in tow)... IF the ALMS is wise enough to listen to my advise.

You are welcome.

05. The Serpent's gut presents: Q+A/Facts of the week

2009-05-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

Welcome back my devoted fans. By popular request my "gut" will take the time out of it's busy and important schedule to answer some of your questions.

Q: There is talk of a team that is making a prototype for the ALMS P1, but there is a DNA contract. Do you know who this team is?

A: Hahahaha... of course I know. How could I not know? First thing, young pup: We are not talking deoxyribonucleic acid. Again, Gliding Serpent's gut has cut through the rumors like a machete through foliage. It has determined the identity of the mysterious team that "is working on a prototype and it's not Peugeot." Drum roll my fellow fans... the team is Toyota. Things just got a little delayed because someone locked the keys in the coupe cockpit! Yes!! This will be a closed cockpit car... bring back any memories?

Expect an announcement around Le Mans. Consider this a fact dear fans, the gut never lies.

Q: Who do you think will win Le Mans this year?

A: My dear fans, you, the viewers of this fine sports car racing series, will ALL win at Le Mans this year.

Q: Is Gliding Serpent a play off of Flying Lizard Motorsports? Are you a fan?

A: Actually, that is a popular misconception. Their name is a play off of mine. And yes, they are big fans.

You are welcome.

04. The ALMS is saved!!!

2009-05-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

Fear not fellow fans, The ALMS as we know and love it is saved.

AUDI is returning, Acura will stay, and flowers are in the air. Ferrari will give F1 the bird, but be too lazy to start up a mirror series, and thus join the ranks of endurance racing starting next year (my sources say next week, but I say the odds are 3:1 since a little bird literally told me that, and it was not a duck, and I only trust ducks). Penske will return next year with a factory supported P1 Porsche due to increased frustration with Grand Am and their uncanny ability to punish successful non-American (engine) manufacturers. Oh yeah, an age old grudge match with Fiat will also sweeten the pot. GT2 will continue to swell to uber proportions. Ferrari will introduce it's next generation GT2 racer and they will have strong factory support. Ferrari will want P1 and GT2 all to itself. Porsche will counter blow for blow. GT1 will die and stay dead. GT3 grids will open it's arms to makes that do not start with 911. GA will go down in flames and handfull of DP and GT3 cars will jump ship to the ALMS to beef up P1, P2, GT2, and the Challange class (to be renamed GT3). Oh yeah, Audi, Porsche, and Ferrari will fight to be title sponsors next year due to increased exposure: Ferrari will win. 3 races will be added to the series. TV coverage will be 100% live with full coverage, preshows, and post-shows. Production values will be through the roof. The ALMS webpage will no longer look dated and will have amazing video content. Porsche will win the 2010 Le Mans but it will be an epic battle between Porsche, Ferrari, Pug, Audi, Aston Martin, Acura... and Toyota. Did I forget them? They will be in the ALMS too. Did I forget anything? Oh yeah... everyone will get laid.

We can all sleep soundly tonight.

You are welcome.

03. The final word on Ferrari leaving F1 and entering sports car racing!

2009-05-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

We all know Ferrari is posturing against the "powers that be" due to the new budget cap and two-tiered competition structure. Will they actually leave F1? Is this for real? I say this: why not leave a two-tiered race series and join a four-tiered series!!!

Here is the Serpent's analysis on the topic...

Scenario 1: Ferrari gives in to the rules of F1 (likely with F1 raising the level of the cap by 20 or 30%). Ferrari still saves money. Realistically, most of this money will immediately go to offsetting losses secondary to the bad economy. However, when the economy picks up... some of this saved money may go towards LMP1 efforts in the LMS, and hopefully ALMS. 2011 season would be a good bet.

Should they make their interest in joining known, expect regulations to be changed to make Ferrari feel at home. Good news is that Porsche and numerous other reputable manufacturers will be in tow. It will be 98' and 99' all over again.

Scenario 2: Ferrari splits F1 after this year. They put their money into a new open wheel racing series. I can't put a positive twist on this one as it will take most of their current F1 budget, maybe more to help start the new series. I really can't see this being viable unless teams leave F1 en mass. Not going to happen from the looks of it, especially in these poor economic times. Too much work to start a high class series from nothing.

Scenario 3: Ferrari splits F1 and goes back to Sports cars with LMP1 entries. Big budget savings here (driver salaries alone would be HUGE savings... mind you there would be contracts to buy out I am sure). I suspect they would run in both the LMS and ALMS. Might even become a title sponsor. Don't expect to see them in full time until 2011. However, they might do a few races in late 2010 for shakedown. If they sink in big money into the series, expect them to write the rules, and expect other major manufacturers to be joining the series in full force. Why? Because without Ferrari, F1 will lose a respectable amount of steam and more of the big names will leave F1... and likely follow Ferrari.

Sports car Racing will enter a new era of popularity and increased exposure. With that will come many changes that will make it far more viewer friendly and marketable. Fear not however, such radical changes would give the Cassandra curmudgeons plenty to complain about...

... moreover, such a move by Ferrari would hit F1 in the pocketbook,forcing F1 to bow to the demands of Ferrari in future seasons. Ferrari would again be allowed to write the rulebook in F1... and would be back in F1 by 2012 or 2013. Oh yeah, the other high prestige teams would also return in tow. Good news is that privateer teams would continue to run some of the developed prototypes for a year or two at most. Then we would be back at square 1... F1 on top and endurance racing entering a void. The trick would be to make the best of the increased exposure in the Ferrari boom year (or two) and try to hold the momentum when they go.

I vote for Scenario 1.

You are Welcome.

02. Q+A with G+S

2009-05-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

Times are tough... panic is running rampant across forums around the world. What will we do with such a grim future in the ALMS prototype division? Times such as these require leadership, vision, confidence, charisma, and utter disregard for reality. Fear not my World Class (TM) fans, for I have risen to the occasion to quell the despair of the masses with a Q+A for my legions of loyal fans.

Q: Rumor is that Penske will be sacking it's Spyder program, and now I hear that Audi may have a limited schedule next year. Could this be true?

A: First, I would like to say thank you. I firmly believe that it is important to pay tribute to the little insignificant people like yourself because your hard earned patriotic dollars make the ALMS possible. Your beating heart, "heart of gold" if you will, pumps the lifeblood that is American endurance racing. Thank you. To address your question... punch whoever told you this information in the face. It is a LIE.

Q: I am so depressed with all this talk of doom and gloom. You yourself even pointed out that there are only two significant cars in LMP1. And 3 cars in LMP2 is a joke. G1 is dead... is the ALMS next?

A: Let me paraphrase what you just said so that your questions are clear to all... You are a person that likes a challenge, a person that prefers quality over quantity, and who wants the stability of knowing who is going to win a race without needing to consult the elite self-righteous "experts" or "insiders" of racing. You are someone who found enjoyment in watching GT1 corvettes make history in GT1 by defeating countless hordes of competition with pure American ingenuity. You ask what the ALMS can do to give you more of such action. You asked and they have given!

Q: For your information, Audi and Penske did leave the ALMS this year (to correct your earlier Q+A). ;)

A. I will answer your question with another question: Will Audi ever truly leave our hearts? Remember, we will always have THIS to help us remember the glory days of Audi in the ALMS. It brings a tear to my eye.

You are welcome.

01. Larry H. Miller Dealerships Utah Grand Prix presented by the Grand and Little America Hotels race reflection.

2009-05-18T13:14:00.000-07:00

This years Larry H. Miller Dealerships and Service Department Utah (and Surrounding District) Grand Prix presented by the Grand and Medium and Little America Hotels was one to remember.

Challenge Class: Speed bumps looking better than orange cones

It marked the first appearance of the ALMS Challenge class cars from the Patron GT3 Challenge series. 5 cars showed up in this class... and had Farnbacher Loles not had to run 18 different cars in 7 different series that weekend... it would have been 6. Pretty good numbers compared to the the numbers had they not been there. And for all of the nay-sayers who labeled the class as "moving speed bumps"... digest this: There were more lead exchanges in this class than in all other classes combined. And how many collisions did they cause? Far less than the Ultimate Driving Machines and one Lola. Expect the F. Loles car at the next Challenge-inclusive race.

LMP1: Keeping it simple

Drama in LMP1 continues with Acura vs: Acura. Which one will win? Some might argue that the other cars in the class are not competative, and that a two car race is boring... but "Pinks" on SPEED TV got an entire Sunday dedicated to the Show in February. What does that tell you? Besides, too many different cars up front gets difficult for some viewers to follow. If we are to break into the untapped market that is NASCAR, we need to keep things as simple as possible. Some people have never heard of Audi, let alone Peugeot... lets keep those makes out of it. Lets hope the rumors of further makes joining in the near future do not hold true. Lets keep the ALMS "World Class"(TM) and "Exclusive." Exclusive is very marketable these days.

Hybrid Power, or lack there of...

The zytec hybrid was big news on the grid... and they even held their own racing. My sources tell me that the car is being courted by a MAJOR sponsor currently. Other sources say that big oil will block such sponsorship, and ensure that the hybrid drive remains glorified ballast (to proove their point that good old petrolium is the only viable long term option unless you live in a tree and wear hemp).

LMP2: elevated competition

Pretty exciting at the end of the race. The new Mazda Lolas are showing just how much high elevation can balance competition and keep racing exciting (without resorting to cheap performance restrictions). Hats off to the under appreceated wizards of the ALMS and IMSA. (who are clearly showing that less is more these days). Sources tell me that the big wigs were so impressed with the level of competition that thay plan elevation increases for all remaining races this year. Watch out Acura.

GT2: Risi snubbed again

GT2 remains the core of the series as of late. Always great racing especially if you are a Flying Lizards fan. Risi continues to impress with their ability to fall behind early on, and then work their way back to the podium. If only more TV focus were put on their climbs in recient races. BMW continues their string of hard luck, and F.Loles finally lives up to their potential (ironically, on a weekend when they were snubbed for their GA counterparts by the powers that be).

Stay tuned for the Serpent's Le Mans predictions.

You are welcome.

00. Welcome!

2009-05-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

This is a warm welcome, to me, from the masses of World Class(TM) American Le Mans fans!

I hear your voices... "Why do we need yet another web page devoted to the form of endurance sports car racing that we all love?" My answer is simple... because you, the World Class(TM) fans have asked for it. You the fans have spoken loud and clear. You want hard hitting news that focuses on the facts as I see them. You want a source of hard hitting information that comes straight from my gut, like a fist to your face.

And lets face it, times are tough, so it is my role as a citizen and fan of the ALMS to bring you all of the hard hitting news, without such paltry information such as poor economics, shrinking grid counts, and bankruptcy. In this harsh world of liberal media "Cassandras" looking for negative news to exploit us with, I will be your "Pollyanna" through hell or high water. You have asked for it, and give it I shall.

And remember this my dear ALMS fans: This is not a forum that allows me to sit on my soapbox and agree with myself. This is a forum for me to sit on my soapbox, agree with myself, AND for you to submit news and rumors about the ALMS that I can take credit for!

You are welcome.