As the fans of Gliding Serpent know well, last week the Serpent gave Ferrari (and the other F1 teams) three choices for their future. Moreover, the Serpent advised the teams to take the first option... to continue racing in F1 but with a higher cap, and the ability to write their own rules. Well, dear fans of Sports car racing, the teams are now following this wise advise which is clearly evident by their conditional entry submissions. Only Williams failed to listen to the Serpent (edit: team insiders tell me that they did listen, but misunderstood).
Now we must just wait for Bernie and Max's response to my suggestion that they accept the conditional entries (I suggested a few revisions which I will outline at a later date). Although they have not yet responded to my freely donated wisdom, their silence it quite telling.
I hear you cry! "where does this leave us O' great Serpent?" Well dear fans, It leaves us right where I want us! The F1 teams will be in a new strange position: they will be saving money... budgeting. Chaos will reign!
Gone will be the days of plush hotels, silicon trophy wives, blow for breakfast, and clothes made out of 1000$ bills. Panic will spread like wildfire as teams try and figure out what they will do with the millions and millions of saved millions! How will a team be able to win the championship without outspending it's opponents?!?! Not by the skill of drivers, let me tell you! Instead, teams will find new clever ways to outspend their competitors for victory. There will be cutting edge fraudulent accounting, top secret devious development, and passing of bleeding edge racing components in dark alleys. As history has shown us... In the spirit of true racing... rules will be made, and teams will find new ways to break them for victory.
"How does this relate to the ALMS?" you wisely ask. Well, now we must ask ourselves what the ALMS can do do become F1's dark alley. How can the rules of the ALMS be twisted to allow shady F1 teams bathing in cash to develop more high tech gadgets for their cars, wives, and pit crews? Dear ALMS... it is now time to work towards spreading your legs to the purulence that is F1. Do not miss this chance to become F1's back door mistress. Just remember to say no to the prenuptial.
As I have factualized previously, expect a Ferrari prototype in late 2010 with a full season participation in 2011 (with other stinking rich F1 makes in tow)... IF the ALMS is wise enough to listen to my advise.
You are welcome.
May 31, 2009
May 24, 2009
05. The Serpent's gut presents: Q+A/Facts of the week
Welcome back my devoted fans. By popular request my "gut" will take the time out of it's busy and important schedule to answer some of your questions.
Q: There is talk of a team that is making a prototype for the ALMS P1, but there is a DNA contract. Do you know who this team is?
A: Hahahaha... of course I know. How could I not know? First thing, young pup: We are not talking deoxyribonucleic acid. Again, Gliding Serpent's gut has cut through the rumors like a machete through foliage. It has determined the identity of the mysterious team that "is working on a prototype and it's not Peugeot." Drum roll my fellow fans... the team is Toyota. Things just got a little delayed because someone locked the keys in the coupe cockpit! Yes!! This will be a closed cockpit car... bring back any memories?
Expect an announcement around Le Mans. Consider this a fact dear fans, the gut never lies.
Q: Who do you think will win Le Mans this year?
A: My dear fans, you, the viewers of this fine sports car racing series, will ALL win at Le Mans this year.
Q: Is Gliding Serpent a play off of Flying Lizard Motorsports? Are you a fan?
A: Actually, that is a popular misconception. Their name is a play off of mine. And yes, they are big fans.
You are welcome.
Q: There is talk of a team that is making a prototype for the ALMS P1, but there is a DNA contract. Do you know who this team is?
A: Hahahaha... of course I know. How could I not know? First thing, young pup: We are not talking deoxyribonucleic acid. Again, Gliding Serpent's gut has cut through the rumors like a machete through foliage. It has determined the identity of the mysterious team that "is working on a prototype and it's not Peugeot." Drum roll my fellow fans... the team is Toyota. Things just got a little delayed because someone locked the keys in the coupe cockpit! Yes!! This will be a closed cockpit car... bring back any memories?
Expect an announcement around Le Mans. Consider this a fact dear fans, the gut never lies.
Q: Who do you think will win Le Mans this year?
A: My dear fans, you, the viewers of this fine sports car racing series, will ALL win at Le Mans this year.
Q: Is Gliding Serpent a play off of Flying Lizard Motorsports? Are you a fan?
A: Actually, that is a popular misconception. Their name is a play off of mine. And yes, they are big fans.
You are welcome.
May 22, 2009
04. The ALMS is saved!!!
Fear not fellow fans, The ALMS as we know and love it is saved.
AUDI is returning, Acura will stay, and flowers are in the air. Ferrari will give F1 the bird, but be too lazy to start up a mirror series, and thus join the ranks of endurance racing starting next year (my sources say next week, but I say the odds are 3:1 since a little bird literally told me that, and it was not a duck, and I only trust ducks). Penske will return next year with a factory supported P1 Porsche due to increased frustration with Grand Am and their uncanny ability to punish successful non-American (engine) manufacturers. Oh yeah, an age old grudge match with Fiat will also sweeten the pot. GT2 will continue to swell to uber proportions. Ferrari will introduce it's next generation GT2 racer and they will have strong factory support. Ferrari will want P1 and GT2 all to itself. Porsche will counter blow for blow. GT1 will die and stay dead. GT3 grids will open it's arms to makes that do not start with 911. GA will go down in flames and handfull of DP and GT3 cars will jump ship to the ALMS to beef up P1, P2, GT2, and the Challange class (to be renamed GT3). Oh yeah, Audi, Porsche, and Ferrari will fight to be title sponsors next year due to increased exposure: Ferrari will win. 3 races will be added to the series. TV coverage will be 100% live with full coverage, preshows, and post-shows. Production values will be through the roof. The ALMS webpage will no longer look dated and will have amazing video content. Porsche will win the 2010 Le Mans but it will be an epic battle between Porsche, Ferrari, Pug, Audi, Aston Martin, Acura... and Toyota. Did I forget them? They will be in the ALMS too. Did I forget anything? Oh yeah... everyone will get laid.
We can all sleep soundly tonight.
You are welcome.
AUDI is returning, Acura will stay, and flowers are in the air. Ferrari will give F1 the bird, but be too lazy to start up a mirror series, and thus join the ranks of endurance racing starting next year (my sources say next week, but I say the odds are 3:1 since a little bird literally told me that, and it was not a duck, and I only trust ducks). Penske will return next year with a factory supported P1 Porsche due to increased frustration with Grand Am and their uncanny ability to punish successful non-American (engine) manufacturers. Oh yeah, an age old grudge match with Fiat will also sweeten the pot. GT2 will continue to swell to uber proportions. Ferrari will introduce it's next generation GT2 racer and they will have strong factory support. Ferrari will want P1 and GT2 all to itself. Porsche will counter blow for blow. GT1 will die and stay dead. GT3 grids will open it's arms to makes that do not start with 911. GA will go down in flames and handfull of DP and GT3 cars will jump ship to the ALMS to beef up P1, P2, GT2, and the Challange class (to be renamed GT3). Oh yeah, Audi, Porsche, and Ferrari will fight to be title sponsors next year due to increased exposure: Ferrari will win. 3 races will be added to the series. TV coverage will be 100% live with full coverage, preshows, and post-shows. Production values will be through the roof. The ALMS webpage will no longer look dated and will have amazing video content. Porsche will win the 2010 Le Mans but it will be an epic battle between Porsche, Ferrari, Pug, Audi, Aston Martin, Acura... and Toyota. Did I forget them? They will be in the ALMS too. Did I forget anything? Oh yeah... everyone will get laid.
We can all sleep soundly tonight.
You are welcome.
May 20, 2009
03. The final word on Ferrari leaving F1 and entering sports car racing!
We all know Ferrari is posturing against the "powers that be" due to the new budget cap and two-tiered competition structure. Will they actually leave F1? Is this for real? I say this: why not leave a two-tiered race series and join a four-tiered series!!!
Here is the Serpent's analysis on the topic...
Scenario 1: Ferrari gives in to the rules of F1 (likely with F1 raising the level of the cap by 20 or 30%). Ferrari still saves money. Realistically, most of this money will immediately go to offsetting losses secondary to the bad economy. However, when the economy picks up... some of this saved money may go towards LMP1 efforts in the LMS, and hopefully ALMS. 2011 season would be a good bet.
Should they make their interest in joining known, expect regulations to be changed to make Ferrari feel at home. Good news is that Porsche and numerous other reputable manufacturers will be in tow. It will be 98' and 99' all over again.
Scenario 2: Ferrari splits F1 after this year. They put their money into a new open wheel racing series. I can't put a positive twist on this one as it will take most of their current F1 budget, maybe more to help start the new series. I really can't see this being viable unless teams leave F1 en mass. Not going to happen from the looks of it, especially in these poor economic times. Too much work to start a high class series from nothing.
Scenario 3: Ferrari splits F1 and goes back to Sports cars with LMP1 entries. Big budget savings here (driver salaries alone would be HUGE savings... mind you there would be contracts to buy out I am sure). I suspect they would run in both the LMS and ALMS. Might even become a title sponsor. Don't expect to see them in full time until 2011. However, they might do a few races in late 2010 for shakedown. If they sink in big money into the series, expect them to write the rules, and expect other major manufacturers to be joining the series in full force. Why? Because without Ferrari, F1 will lose a respectable amount of steam and more of the big names will leave F1... and likely follow Ferrari.
Sports car Racing will enter a new era of popularity and increased exposure. With that will come many changes that will make it far more viewer friendly and marketable. Fear not however, such radical changes would give the Cassandra curmudgeons plenty to complain about...
... moreover, such a move by Ferrari would hit F1 in the pocketbook,forcing F1 to bow to the demands of Ferrari in future seasons. Ferrari would again be allowed to write the rulebook in F1... and would be back in F1 by 2012 or 2013. Oh yeah, the other high prestige teams would also return in tow. Good news is that privateer teams would continue to run some of the developed prototypes for a year or two at most. Then we would be back at square 1... F1 on top and endurance racing entering a void. The trick would be to make the best of the increased exposure in the Ferrari boom year (or two) and try to hold the momentum when they go.
I vote for Scenario 1.
You are Welcome.
Here is the Serpent's analysis on the topic...
Scenario 1: Ferrari gives in to the rules of F1 (likely with F1 raising the level of the cap by 20 or 30%). Ferrari still saves money. Realistically, most of this money will immediately go to offsetting losses secondary to the bad economy. However, when the economy picks up... some of this saved money may go towards LMP1 efforts in the LMS, and hopefully ALMS. 2011 season would be a good bet.
Should they make their interest in joining known, expect regulations to be changed to make Ferrari feel at home. Good news is that Porsche and numerous other reputable manufacturers will be in tow. It will be 98' and 99' all over again.
Scenario 2: Ferrari splits F1 after this year. They put their money into a new open wheel racing series. I can't put a positive twist on this one as it will take most of their current F1 budget, maybe more to help start the new series. I really can't see this being viable unless teams leave F1 en mass. Not going to happen from the looks of it, especially in these poor economic times. Too much work to start a high class series from nothing.
Scenario 3: Ferrari splits F1 and goes back to Sports cars with LMP1 entries. Big budget savings here (driver salaries alone would be HUGE savings... mind you there would be contracts to buy out I am sure). I suspect they would run in both the LMS and ALMS. Might even become a title sponsor. Don't expect to see them in full time until 2011. However, they might do a few races in late 2010 for shakedown. If they sink in big money into the series, expect them to write the rules, and expect other major manufacturers to be joining the series in full force. Why? Because without Ferrari, F1 will lose a respectable amount of steam and more of the big names will leave F1... and likely follow Ferrari.
Sports car Racing will enter a new era of popularity and increased exposure. With that will come many changes that will make it far more viewer friendly and marketable. Fear not however, such radical changes would give the Cassandra curmudgeons plenty to complain about...
... moreover, such a move by Ferrari would hit F1 in the pocketbook,forcing F1 to bow to the demands of Ferrari in future seasons. Ferrari would again be allowed to write the rulebook in F1... and would be back in F1 by 2012 or 2013. Oh yeah, the other high prestige teams would also return in tow. Good news is that privateer teams would continue to run some of the developed prototypes for a year or two at most. Then we would be back at square 1... F1 on top and endurance racing entering a void. The trick would be to make the best of the increased exposure in the Ferrari boom year (or two) and try to hold the momentum when they go.
I vote for Scenario 1.
You are Welcome.
May 19, 2009
02. Q+A with G+S
Times are tough... panic is running rampant across forums around the world. What will we do with such a grim future in the ALMS prototype division? Times such as these require leadership, vision, confidence, charisma, and utter disregard for reality. Fear not my World Class (TM) fans, for I have risen to the occasion to quell the despair of the masses with a Q+A for my legions of loyal fans.
Q: Rumor is that Penske will be sacking it's Spyder program, and now I hear that Audi may have a limited schedule next year. Could this be true?
A: First, I would like to say thank you. I firmly believe that it is important to pay tribute to the little insignificant people like yourself because your hard earned patriotic dollars make the ALMS possible. Your beating heart, "heart of gold" if you will, pumps the lifeblood that is American endurance racing. Thank you. To address your question... punch whoever told you this information in the face. It is a LIE.
Q: I am so depressed with all this talk of doom and gloom. You yourself even pointed out that there are only two significant cars in LMP1. And 3 cars in LMP2 is a joke. G1 is dead... is the ALMS next?
A: Let me paraphrase what you just said so that your questions are clear to all... You are a person that likes a challenge, a person that prefers quality over quantity, and who wants the stability of knowing who is going to win a race without needing to consult the elite self-righteous "experts" or "insiders" of racing. You are someone who found enjoyment in watching GT1 corvettes make history in GT1 by defeating countless hordes of competition with pure American ingenuity. You ask what the ALMS can do to give you more of such action. You asked and they have given!
Q: For your information, Audi and Penske did leave the ALMS this year (to correct your earlier Q+A). ;)
A. I will answer your question with another question: Will Audi ever truly leave our hearts? Remember, we will always have THIS to help us remember the glory days of Audi in the ALMS. It brings a tear to my eye.
You are welcome.
Q: Rumor is that Penske will be sacking it's Spyder program, and now I hear that Audi may have a limited schedule next year. Could this be true?
A: First, I would like to say thank you. I firmly believe that it is important to pay tribute to the little insignificant people like yourself because your hard earned patriotic dollars make the ALMS possible. Your beating heart, "heart of gold" if you will, pumps the lifeblood that is American endurance racing. Thank you. To address your question... punch whoever told you this information in the face. It is a LIE.
Q: I am so depressed with all this talk of doom and gloom. You yourself even pointed out that there are only two significant cars in LMP1. And 3 cars in LMP2 is a joke. G1 is dead... is the ALMS next?
A: Let me paraphrase what you just said so that your questions are clear to all... You are a person that likes a challenge, a person that prefers quality over quantity, and who wants the stability of knowing who is going to win a race without needing to consult the elite self-righteous "experts" or "insiders" of racing. You are someone who found enjoyment in watching GT1 corvettes make history in GT1 by defeating countless hordes of competition with pure American ingenuity. You ask what the ALMS can do to give you more of such action. You asked and they have given!
Q: For your information, Audi and Penske did leave the ALMS this year (to correct your earlier Q+A). ;)
A. I will answer your question with another question: Will Audi ever truly leave our hearts? Remember, we will always have THIS to help us remember the glory days of Audi in the ALMS. It brings a tear to my eye.
You are welcome.
May 18, 2009
01. Larry H. Miller Dealerships Utah Grand Prix presented by the Grand and Little America Hotels race reflection.
This years Larry H. Miller Dealerships and Service Department Utah (and Surrounding District) Grand Prix presented by the Grand and Medium and Little America Hotels was one to remember.
Challenge Class: Speed bumps looking better than orange cones
It marked the first appearance of the ALMS Challenge class cars from the Patron GT3 Challenge series. 5 cars showed up in this class... and had Farnbacher Loles not had to run 18 different cars in 7 different series that weekend... it would have been 6. Pretty good numbers compared to the the numbers had they not been there. And for all of the nay-sayers who labeled the class as "moving speed bumps"... digest this: There were more lead exchanges in this class than in all other classes combined. And how many collisions did they cause? Far less than the Ultimate Driving Machines and one Lola. Expect the F. Loles car at the next Challenge-inclusive race.
LMP1: Keeping it simple
Drama in LMP1 continues with Acura vs: Acura. Which one will win? Some might argue that the other cars in the class are not competative, and that a two car race is boring... but "Pinks" on SPEED TV got an entire Sunday dedicated to the Show in February. What does that tell you? Besides, too many different cars up front gets difficult for some viewers to follow. If we are to break into the untapped market that is NASCAR, we need to keep things as simple as possible. Some people have never heard of Audi, let alone Peugeot... lets keep those makes out of it. Lets hope the rumors of further makes joining in the near future do not hold true. Lets keep the ALMS "World Class"(TM) and "Exclusive." Exclusive is very marketable these days.
Hybrid Power, or lack there of...
The zytec hybrid was big news on the grid... and they even held their own racing. My sources tell me that the car is being courted by a MAJOR sponsor currently. Other sources say that big oil will block such sponsorship, and ensure that the hybrid drive remains glorified ballast (to proove their point that good old petrolium is the only viable long term option unless you live in a tree and wear hemp).
LMP2: elevated competition
Pretty exciting at the end of the race. The new Mazda Lolas are showing just how much high elevation can balance competition and keep racing exciting (without resorting to cheap performance restrictions). Hats off to the under appreceated wizards of the ALMS and IMSA. (who are clearly showing that less is more these days). Sources tell me that the big wigs were so impressed with the level of competition that thay plan elevation increases for all remaining races this year. Watch out Acura.
GT2: Risi snubbed again
GT2 remains the core of the series as of late. Always great racing especially if you are a Flying Lizards fan. Risi continues to impress with their ability to fall behind early on, and then work their way back to the podium. If only more TV focus were put on their climbs in recient races. BMW continues their string of hard luck, and F.Loles finally lives up to their potential (ironically, on a weekend when they were snubbed for their GA counterparts by the powers that be).
Stay tuned for the Serpent's Le Mans predictions.
You are welcome.
Challenge Class: Speed bumps looking better than orange cones
It marked the first appearance of the ALMS Challenge class cars from the Patron GT3 Challenge series. 5 cars showed up in this class... and had Farnbacher Loles not had to run 18 different cars in 7 different series that weekend... it would have been 6. Pretty good numbers compared to the the numbers had they not been there. And for all of the nay-sayers who labeled the class as "moving speed bumps"... digest this: There were more lead exchanges in this class than in all other classes combined. And how many collisions did they cause? Far less than the Ultimate Driving Machines and one Lola. Expect the F. Loles car at the next Challenge-inclusive race.
LMP1: Keeping it simple
Drama in LMP1 continues with Acura vs: Acura. Which one will win? Some might argue that the other cars in the class are not competative, and that a two car race is boring... but "Pinks" on SPEED TV got an entire Sunday dedicated to the Show in February. What does that tell you? Besides, too many different cars up front gets difficult for some viewers to follow. If we are to break into the untapped market that is NASCAR, we need to keep things as simple as possible. Some people have never heard of Audi, let alone Peugeot... lets keep those makes out of it. Lets hope the rumors of further makes joining in the near future do not hold true. Lets keep the ALMS "World Class"(TM) and "Exclusive." Exclusive is very marketable these days.
Hybrid Power, or lack there of...
The zytec hybrid was big news on the grid... and they even held their own racing. My sources tell me that the car is being courted by a MAJOR sponsor currently. Other sources say that big oil will block such sponsorship, and ensure that the hybrid drive remains glorified ballast (to proove their point that good old petrolium is the only viable long term option unless you live in a tree and wear hemp).
LMP2: elevated competition
Pretty exciting at the end of the race. The new Mazda Lolas are showing just how much high elevation can balance competition and keep racing exciting (without resorting to cheap performance restrictions). Hats off to the under appreceated wizards of the ALMS and IMSA. (who are clearly showing that less is more these days). Sources tell me that the big wigs were so impressed with the level of competition that thay plan elevation increases for all remaining races this year. Watch out Acura.
GT2: Risi snubbed again
GT2 remains the core of the series as of late. Always great racing especially if you are a Flying Lizards fan. Risi continues to impress with their ability to fall behind early on, and then work their way back to the podium. If only more TV focus were put on their climbs in recient races. BMW continues their string of hard luck, and F.Loles finally lives up to their potential (ironically, on a weekend when they were snubbed for their GA counterparts by the powers that be).
Stay tuned for the Serpent's Le Mans predictions.
You are welcome.
00. Welcome!
This is a warm welcome, to me, from the masses of World Class(TM) American Le Mans fans!
I hear your voices... "Why do we need yet another web page devoted to the form of endurance sports car racing that we all love?" My answer is simple... because you, the World Class(TM) fans have asked for it. You the fans have spoken loud and clear. You want hard hitting news that focuses on the facts as I see them. You want a source of hard hitting information that comes straight from my gut, like a fist to your face.
And lets face it, times are tough, so it is my role as a citizen and fan of the ALMS to bring you all of the hard hitting news, without such paltry information such as poor economics, shrinking grid counts, and bankruptcy. In this harsh world of liberal media "Cassandras" looking for negative news to exploit us with, I will be your "Pollyanna" through hell or high water. You have asked for it, and give it I shall.
And remember this my dear ALMS fans: This is not a forum that allows me to sit on my soapbox and agree with myself. This is a forum for me to sit on my soapbox, agree with myself, AND for you to submit news and rumors about the ALMS that I can take credit for!
You are welcome.
I hear your voices... "Why do we need yet another web page devoted to the form of endurance sports car racing that we all love?" My answer is simple... because you, the World Class(TM) fans have asked for it. You the fans have spoken loud and clear. You want hard hitting news that focuses on the facts as I see them. You want a source of hard hitting information that comes straight from my gut, like a fist to your face.
And lets face it, times are tough, so it is my role as a citizen and fan of the ALMS to bring you all of the hard hitting news, without such paltry information such as poor economics, shrinking grid counts, and bankruptcy. In this harsh world of liberal media "Cassandras" looking for negative news to exploit us with, I will be your "Pollyanna" through hell or high water. You have asked for it, and give it I shall.
And remember this my dear ALMS fans: This is not a forum that allows me to sit on my soapbox and agree with myself. This is a forum for me to sit on my soapbox, agree with myself, AND for you to submit news and rumors about the ALMS that I can take credit for!
You are welcome.
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